Finn Stichbury Crash Course On How To Use The Infamous Luxon Phrase "What I say To You Is"
SPONSORED BY ADNAN BELUSHI PODCAST
WELLINGTON, NZ — Finn Stichbury, the mastermind behind the New Zealand National Party's triumphant campaign in the 2023 General Elections and now the Prime Minister's Chief Press Secretary, sat down with The Chimp Chronicles for a masterclass on how to wield the Prime Minister's infamous phrase, "What I say to you is."
Finn outlined 7 dire predicaments one might face, where this phrase becomes the ultimate dodgeball for confronting any pesky situation.
Refusal to use pronounce: You are at a meeting, and a far-right misogynist refuses to introduce himself with he/him. You can challenge him by saying, “what I say to you is..”
Banned from using women’s toilet: You’re outside a women’s toilet, and this bigot won’t let you use it because you’re a man. Stare right at him and assertively say with a calm voice, “what I say to you is..”
Not allowed to compete in women’s sport: You rock up to swim in a women’s competition, but someone spots your “bulge” and says, sorry you’re not allowed. You can fire back by saying, “what I say to you is…”
Reporter being micro-aggressive: A fake legacy media reporter is expressing micro-aggression, and this one Luxon gets a lot, and he hates confrontation, and that’s how I came up with this phrase. So if a journalists has a go at you, throw in a “what I say to you is,” forcefully, and repeat it if necessary.
You want to command a navy ship: You’re a lesbian and never ever have commanded even a dinghy, but you think you deserve the opportunity to command a naval ship thanks to DEI, but Chris Penk won’t let you. You can fire back with, “what I say to you is,”
Being misgendered: If someone purposefully misgenders you, don’t panic, just say, “what I say to you is,” and they will back off immediately
Being cancelled after an old tweet emerges: You tweeted “kill the Jews,” 10 years ago, and now you want to run for public office. To fight back online spear campaigns to derail your political career, just reply everyone with “what I say to you is”
That’s it. I hope this crash course has been fun, and useful. Thank you to Finn Stichbury for chatting to us at The Chimp Chronicles, sharing his masterful press tactics he deploys for the Prime Minister.
