Education Minister Says Māori Language Dangerous For Kids, Swaps It For Swear Words

WELLINGTON, NZ — In a leaked report, Erica Stanford declared that Māori language is dangerous to young minds and should be replaced with a new curriculum featuring swear words.

The decision aims to simplify early reading materials for five-year-olds.

“Study shows students are falling being in their education by being confused with this unused language, and prefer swearing, so we thought, why not replace Maori words with swear words? Kids need relatable content, and who doesn’t love a bit of colorful language? Plus, it’s a middle ground between conflicting advice—some wanted Latin, but I said, nah.”

At publishing time, a student made it to school this morning, greeting the principal with, “Morning d*ckhead.”