Doctors Shocked: Kim Kardashian’s Brain Scan Reveals IQ Lower Than Chimp With Law Degree
BEVERLY HILLS, CA — In a breakthrough revelation aired on latest episode of The Kardashians, doctors informed Kim Kardashian that her SPECT scan showed frontal-lobe activity lower than that of Koko the chimp who has already passed the California bar.
“We ran the numbers three times,” said lead neurologist Dr. Herbert Goldstein. “Even after we adjusted for hair-extension weight compressing the skull, the results held. This is the first human subject to score lower than a chimp who communicates primarily through sign language and grunts.”
Sources close to the family confirmed that the aneurysm discovered is roughly the size of a Balenciaga tag and has been named “North West Jr.” in honour of Kim’s naming tradition.
Animal-rights activists were quick to respond. “If her IQ is truly lower than a chimp’s, keeping her in Calabasas violates the Endangered Species Act,” said PETA spokesperson Ashley Lang. “We demand she be relocated to a sanctuary with unlimited contour kits and a tire swing.”
Kris Jenner told reporters, “This is actually fantastic news. Now that Jane Goodall is dead, and Kim can’t pass the California bar for humans, she will be moving to Tanzania to represent the chimps, after she passes the Tanzania Bar for chimps.”
The episode ironically shows Kim Kardashian dressed in an outfit resembling a hairy gorilla, before visiting the doctors to learn about this news.
At publishing time, Harvard Law School announced a new law department for celebrities with tiny brains, and have appointed Kim Kardashian as its head.