Chinese Billionaire Checks Into Rehab After Suffering A Political Overdose Of 'Feeling Sorry For Luxon'

AUCKLAND, NZ — Chinese billionaire Nick Mowbray has reportedly checked into rehab after suffering a political overdose of 'feeling sorry for Luxon'.

Witnessing the unfair "pile on" against New Zealand's Prime Minister Chris Luxon was too much to bear. “I can’t take it anymore. He’s working his ass off, but screw it, I’m going offline and checking into rehab.”

According to a photo posted on X by Nick, he has reportedly checked in at Dr. Phil’s Rehab Centre, where many Hollywood celebrities are currently staying to recover from Kamala’s loss against Trump, with specialised treatment from Dr. Phil himself.

"This isn't just about feeling sorry for someone; it is about recovering after investing heavily in one political party which is clearly tanking. And so when I’m out, I will look for a new political party to donate a lot of money to, and do it all over again."

In related news, the rehab center where Mowbray is recovering has announced a new specialty wing dedicated to "Political Overdose," where patients can learn to navigate their “emotions attached to donations” on social media.

At publishing time, Nick and Oprah were seen reflecting on their choices of donating/endorsing the wrong political candidate, while sipping on Oprah's favorite thing this year: “Tears of regret” flavored lattes.