Chimp Satire Chronicles Predict Convicted Shoplifter Golriz Ghahraman May Shoplift Again Any Minute Now

AUCKLAND, NZ — Chimp Satire Chronicles predict that former Green Party MP Golriz Ghahraman, who was convicted for shoplifting clothes worth $20,000 from an overrated boutique store, may shoplift again any minute now.

“After her conviction, we asked GROK to alert us, if and when, Golriz is about to shoplift again, and we asked the prediction to precisely minutes before she shoplifts,” said Chimp Satire Chronicles’ editor, a chimp named Robbie Williams.

According to GROK, which has crunched the numbers and analysed the patterns of Ghahraman, there's a high probability that our beloved shoplifter will soon grace another boutique with her presence, minus the payment part.

The AI's prediction model takes into account factors like stress levels, proximity to high-end retail, and even the phases of the moon. GROK has suggested that the next shoplifting incident might occur on a particularly sunny day. The exact date remains a closely guarded secret by the AI, but insiders hint it's sooner rather than later, and the prediction is that she will be caught.

At publishing time, GROK has also predicted that Golriz will get away from any serious punishment because of the woke DEI culture alive across Ministry of Justice.