The Chimp Chronicles Predicts 2025
A new year is here, and the best is yet to come. In 2024 felt like a breakthrough here, what is in store for the world in 2025?
We at The Chimp Chronicles know precisely what’s coming because we are chimps with guns. Here's what you can expect.
January 5 - George Soros and Hillary Clinton receive medal of freedom
January 6 - Biden pardons January 6 protestors for wrongfully imprisoning them
January 10 - Dr. Jill Biden becomes the first female president after Biden drowns at the beach chasing his ice cream that slipped off his hands when taking a nap
January 20 - Donald J. Trump is sworn in as president, instantly sends FBI to raid and arrest his political opponents including Biden and Kamala
January 24 - Energy emergency declared by Trump, bringing an end to climate change hoax, and announcing ‘national fart day’ to celebrate the carbon every living being emits
January 27- The 47th president of the United States will sign a dozen executive orders including chopping balls if they show up in women’s toilets
January 31 - Indians will discover The Chimp Chronicles for the first time, and learn that we made fun of them, and the entire country will get mad at us
February 5th - The New York Times runs a shocking article confirming that Trump won the elections in 2020
February 14th - A group of chimps with guns takeover an African country and declare themselves as revolutionary fighters free-ing civilians from corrupted government officials
February 15 - Elon Musk arrives at the Southern Border filming migrants being deported back to Mexico, live on X
February 18 - Vice President JD Vance delivers his first birth at a hospital to promote having more babies
March 7 - Joe Rogan interviews Kamala for 3 hours, getting drunk and remisning about spending a billion dollars on her campaign
March 19 - Thousands of Indians arrive in the U.S. under the H1B visa to Make Elon Great Again
March 28 - RFK Jr. orders all vaccines to be tested on Bill Gates before rolling them out nationwide
April 1 - Trump buys Greenland for $1
April 10 - Stock market crashes as the world struggles to cope with Trump
April 23 - Lunar eclipse will bring thousands of pregnancies, spiking birth above replacement levels
April 27 - Hunter Biden announces that he has purchased his first laptop since losing the last one
May 1 - Starlink goes down for 1 hour
May 7 - Grok surpasses ChatGPT in general intelligence, OpenAI officially retiring ChatGPT declaring it as ‘retarded AI’
May 17 - Australia comes to its senses, and votes Anthony Albanese out
May 19 - SpaceX arrives on Mars to learn that the Egyptians first built pyramids on Mars before making the voyage on Earth to build pyramids here
June 9 - First AI agent wins big on world stage and is awarded an award
June 20 - Don Lemon returns on X to rage farm normal people laughing at him for being retarded
June 29 - An Illegal alien gets the death penalty
June 30 - 300,000 children are rescued from child traffickers at the border
June 31 - Luigi Mangione gives his maiden speech at Congress about the dangers of health insurance
July 4 - California builds a Berlin-like wall to stop MAGA take over
July 5 - The world has a meltdown on X debating whether dinosaurs were real after the launch of the latest Jurassic World movie
July 10 - Thousands of people get tricked into believing that Hitler was a good guy after Adnan Belushi talks about ‘all good things Hitler’ on his podcast for 3 hours
July 25 - Crypto world sees an influx of 65+ year-olds joining the crypto buzz investing in meme coins, and many losing their pension on shit coins
July 26 - Kash Patel turns J. Edgar Hoover Building into a museum
July 27 - The Chimp Chronicles gets banned on BlueSky for comparing Justin Trudeau to a chimp, offending the entire chimp population
August 5 - Kamala opens a McDonalds in her hometown of Oakland California
August 10 - Biden kicks off world speaking tour in senile rest homes
August 18 - California finishes counting ballets for 2024 presidential elections declaring California now a red state
August 25 - Things will get worse for MAGA voters, and Trump will gaslight the previous government and engage in “rage farming” to distract public in how bad the economy has become under his watch
September 1 - Elon Musk buys MSNBC and hires Joe Rogan to replace Rachel Maddow
September 5 - The View hosts read a letter on air, written by their lawyers, admitting that dragons are real and they now believe in dragons
September 10 - David Attenborough makes a return on Netflix with weekly new documentaries about the earth, animals, and climate change
September 21 - Trudeau flees Canada after losing the elections, Canada officially becomes the 51st state of America
September 26 - Ukraine concedes defeat, Zelensky flees to America, and Putin restores Russia as the main language of Ukraine
October 1 - Alex Jones buys The Onion and gifts it to The Babylon Bee
October 5 - Elon Musk is mad about something
October 7 - Trump destroys Hamas
October 8 - The Chimp Chronicles achieve 1 billion impressions
November 5 - Word Salad Day
November 8 - Chimps are mad at The Chimp Chronicles
November 27 - RFK Jr. abolishes thanksgiving
December 6 - China invades Taiwan
December 11 - Celebrities who fled America after Trump’s victory, return
December 25 - Conservatives lose it again on social media
December 31 - Officially declared as the last day of the year