Biden Addresses Fire Victims By Saying How He Once Almost Burned Down The White House By Cooking Popcorn And Mistakenly Falling Asleep

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LOS ANGELES, CA — In the aftermath of the fires destroying homes in California, President Biden offered fire victims a comforting story of the time that he once almost burned down the white house after falling asleep while waiting for some popcorn to cook.

Biden told the newly homeless Californians the destruction of their homes is just like that one time he almost burnt down the White House.

"Folks, I have a story to share too," Biden explained, smirking at the crowd of huddled, newly-registered refugees. "One time, I was at the White House, we were working late in the situation room, trying to catch Bashar Assad, and I wanted popcorn. So I went to the kitchen, put a bag of popcorn in the microwave, and while I was waiting, I fell asleep. I usually pull it out when the popcorn stops popping but I was gone. I had had only 5 naps that day, and I desperately needed another one."

Biden continued his story, revealing that from that point on, he is only allowed pre-made popcorn from, the ones you buy in chips bags from Walmart. He then paused and then ordered volunteers to handout pre-made popcorn to the refugees.

At publishing time, Biden is now telling another story about how his uncle started a fire to alert everyone that he was about to be eaten by cannibals.