Australian Tourist Disappointed Entire New Zealand Not On Clearance Sale

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AUCKLAND, NZ — Australian Josh Abbott was left disappointed after he flew to New Zealand to snatch as many items and experiences as he could on clearance, after hearing the "Everyone Must Go - Don't Miss Out" travel campaign on the radio.

"It sounded like the entire nation of New Zealand was on a clearance sale," said Abbott. "I thought, why not go for a trip and get my shopping done for the year?"

The campaign, "Everyone Must Go," was launched by Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, costing $500k, funded by the $100 levy he charges every tourist that enters New Zealand.

"I was expecting to buy the whole of New Zealand for the price of a steak in Sydney. Instead, I've spent more on a single flat white than I would on a week's worth of Tim Tams back home," Abbott said, visibly disappointed.

New Zealand Tourism has since issued an apology, clarifying that the campaign was intended to promote urgency in visiting, not to imply that one could purchase the South Island at a garage sale price.

At publishing time, Abbott was seen negotiating the purchase of Aotearoa from the Maori on 75% clearance. “May be they are fooled by the campaign as well, thinking their land is up for clearance sale, so I’ll give that a shot,”