7 Surprising Findings From Donald Trump's Physical

President Trump underwent his annual physical exam, despite evidence he doesn’t need one, considering he works long hours and hardly sleeps. During his physical, there were new startling discoveries that the doctors reported.

The Chimp Chronicles have obtained copies copies of the medical record and can now reveal the following surprise findings:

1. Stress levels pretty after taking down China: with tariffs

2. Advised to go easy on the spray tan: that shit gives you skin cancer

3. Biological age is 31: Trump’s been secretly working with Bryan Johnson to become immortal, de-ageing himself by 47 years!

4. Told off for drinking diet coke: instead of water