7 Joe Rogan And Alex Jones Conspiracy Theories Proven True By JFK Files

After decades of listening Joe Rogan and Alex Jones explain theories on what really happened to JFK, thousands of documents relating to the assassination of President John F. Kennedy were declassified, leaving The Chimp Chronicles uncovering the following 7 conspiracy theories to be true:

1. CIA turned JFK into a mind-controlled Sasquatch

   Rogan: “Dude, what if the CIA dosed JFK with MKUltra juice and he went full Bigfoot?” Jones: “It’s true! The files say he grew hair overnight and started howling at the moon!” Turns out, the Depository was just a cover—JFK was shot to stop him from raiding Dallas chicken coops.

2. Mafia Whacked Him Over a Cursed Elk Meat Recipe

   Rogan: “I’m telling you, man, the mob was into primal diets—JFK stole their sacred elk jerky formula.” Jones: “The files prove it! Ruby was a meat smuggler!” They rubbed him out in Dealey Plaza to keep the protein secret from the feds—high stakes for high gains.

3. LBJ Was a Reptilian Shapeshifter Who Needed JFK’s Skin
   Jones: “Lyndon Johnson was a 7-foot lizard in a cowboy hat—declassified docs don’t lie!” Rogan: “Bro, imagine shedding season hit mid-oath.” The files reveal LBJ staged the hit to harvest JFK’s human suit—Jackie’s hat was just a bonus trophy.