5 Easy Ways To Beat A Chimp In A Fight
As you realise that 100 men can’t beat a gorilla, you are now wondering if you can take down a chimp.
I have great news for you. It’s so easy, and The Chimp Chronicles will take you through 5 easy ways of beating a chimp in a fight:
Distract the chimp with a banana phone: Chimps are curious beings, easily suckered by shiny objects. Whip out your phone, hold it like a banana, and pretend to take a call from his friend. Once he gets closer, BAM!.. throw that jab!
Challenge him to a dance-Off: Chimps love showing off. Blast some music (preferably “Macarena”) from your phone and challenge him to a dance battle. Once he’s distracted, level change, shoot a take down, ground and pound, TKO - you win!
Crack a terrible joke: Chimps may be strong, but their sense of humor is weaker than a rotten vine. Hit him with a barrage of dad jokes like, “who’s better: adult human female or a chimp?” Once he starts to trust you more, and relaxes within your range, throw a flying-reverse-turning-kick and knock him out
Deploy the stink bomb: Chimps rely on their noses, so turn that strength into a weakness. If you’ve got a gym sock or a burrito-fueled fart ready, unleash it, and then knock him out.
Bribe with a Selfie Stick: Chimps are vain; they love a good photo op. Offer to take a selfie with him using a stick (or just a random branch). As he poses, puffing out his chest, casually choke him to sleep.
See?! simple-as! you’re welcome, and congrats; ahead of beating a chimp in a fight this weekend (in a jungle nearby).