13 Most Surprising Things In The New Budget
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WELLINGTON, NZ — Purposefully designed to be the first No B.S. budget, Nicola Willis today announced New Zealand Government’s budget for the year 2025. The Chimp Chronicles have viewed the budget line by line, uncovering thirteen shocking items;
$1 billion for weekly spray-tanning sessions for all citizens to help with Maorification: Luxon will lead this project,
$6.6 billion for businesses to spend on better coffee machines: “It is the only way we can get people back in the office to grow the economy,”
$700 million for a lab to study how the government will shut down the country better when another Coronavirus hits the shores: “We need to do better at lying and propaganda,”
$100 million to hire student loan debt collectors: “These are some shady and slippery people we are lending money to, so we need to spy on them!”
$500 million for “gay stuff”: We need more parades, and drag story time for kids,”
$11 billion for upping men’s salary: This is funded by taking away $11 billion from women’s pay, as they don’t work equally hard,
$2 billion for World Economic Forum: Don’t ask!
Another $2 billion for World Health Organisation: Don’t ask!
Another $2 billion for Paris Climate Agreement: Don’t ask!
$5 billion to build a new Beehive: This one is old!
$240 million to study the effects of rainbow community turning ducks gay: Mission critical
$100 million to teach parents how to make marmite sandwiches for their kids: for school lunch!
$1 billion in more DEI hires: The government is certainly more woke than we think folks,
Wowza, it sure takes plenty to keep the government running for another 12 months. Thank you, Nicola, and we also apologise to her 4 kids who haven’t seen their mother for months, as she delivered this incredible budget.
Haha love it ♥️