WELLINGTON, NZ — The government today announced that 20,000 illegal immigrants are wandering around Middle Earth, refusing to leave, and that they will be arrested and deported immediately.
As much as this sounds like the right thing to do, deporting this many illegal immigrants will devastate the country.
The Chimp Chronicles has put together 10 ways deporting all illegal immigrants will destroy New Zealand:
The All Blacks will never win a World Cup again: About 500 were trafficked from pacific islands as teenage boys, to be developed into rugby players for for the national team.
All dairies will be forced to shut down: if tradies can’t get their pies during breaks from grocery stores, productivity will drop, accelerating the collapse of the construction sector.
The burden will fall on New Zealanders to commit all the necessary crime, murdering, and raping: otherwise democracy will collapse!
We will lose a trusted voice fighting for immigrant rights: Ricardo Menéndez March
No more migrant exploitation: how else can we get this economy out of a recession?
Darlene Tana and her husband will no longer be able to operate their bike shop: another family-owned business liquidated!
A nationwide shortage of fruits and berries: who do you think is picking the fruits that you enjoy in your morning smoothies, so you can walk around in your tight lululemon pants?
Who’s going to work at supermarkets collecting trolleys: the natives? Give me a break!
The film industry collapses: about 10,000 filmmakers are in the country, overstaying their visas due to film production delays. Deporting them means no more of, Lord of the Rings!
And, no more Ubers: and Uber Eats!
We have sent this story to the Minister of Immigration Erica Stanford to reconsider her decision of deporting 20,000 illegal immigrants.