10 Totally Legit Reasons Why David Seymour Must Not Become Deputy PM
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WELLINGTON, NZ — As David Seymour prepares to step into the role of Deputy Prime Minister, New Zealanders are panicking over what this means for the country.
Here are the top 10 legit concerns across the nation that prove why David Seymour is extremely dangerous:
Killing the Prime Minister: Sources suggest he’s been obsessively watching ‘House of Cards,’
Abolishing Democracy: Seymour reportedly plans to replace Parliament with Dictatorship to rule with an iron fist,
Reviving Nazism: According to Labour’s Facebook posts, David and Brooke are Nazis, and secretly worship Hitler,
Killing all the indigenous people: Insiders claim Seymour’s Treaty referendum is a distraction while he builds giant concentration camps,
Separating white and coloured people from beaches: This is pure evil,
Ban being gay: Word on Wellington streets suggest Seymour is drafting a bill to make being gay illegal again,
Form alliance with North Korea and Russia: Seymour’s foreign policy reportedly includes taking over all the little Islands in the Pacific and turning it into white societies,
Trade deal with Taliban to push pay equity to a whole new level: Inspired by Taliban’s success in handling women’s rights,
Destroy the economy: Critics fear Seymour will tank the economy by selling the entire South Island to his donors (Indians mostly),
Banning journalists from criticising them: Payback for attacking Brooke. Also, $1000 fine if any journalist uses the word “cunt,”
There you have it. Watch New Zealand get totally destroyed by David Seymour in the next 18 months.