10 Things Australian Teens Will Now Do After Being Locked Out Of Social Media
After social media was banned was passed in Australia, children around the nation is facing a boredom epidemic. To help relief pressure, The Chimp Chronicles have come up with 10 alternative things children can do instead.
Touch grass: and immediately burst into flames from vitamin D overdose after 15 years of basement-dwelling
Discover the outdoors: and file class-action lawsuits against the government for psychological trauma after encountering a magpie in swooping season
Talk to each other in real life: accidentally inventing a new dialect that consists entirely of grunts, hisses, and the word “bruh” said 47 different ways
Read books: causing a nationwide paper shortage and the immediate extinction of several tree species that weren’t ready for this level of demand
Play knock-and-run: but since no one under 16 has left the house since 2014, they just end up knocking on their own front doors and sprinting back to their gaming chairs in confusion
Re-enact TikTok dances in public parks: creating a new category of viral videos called “IRL brain rot” that somehow still end up on YouTube
Stare directly into the sun: because they heard it gives you real powers
Start underground fight clubs: where the loser has to explain the ‘6-7’ meme to a Boomer cop
Form roving gangs: that communicate exclusively through Morse code blinked with iPads they’re technically not allowed to use
Sell drugs on street corners: alternative solution to the dopamine buzz kids need that have been lost from social media
There you have it. Get busy kids!